Every patient is asked when they arrive, ‘What matters to you?’ – and for everyone involved in their care, that becomes the most important thing to know.
Whether it’s a wish to go home to die, or to make it to a special occasion, or even have the dog visit daily – the team do everything they can to support patients’ wishes.
Above all, Ires explains, “comfort is the priority for everyone.”
That can mean managing symptoms, helping patients settle, supporting families through difficult decisions, or respecting someone’s faith, culture and wishes at the end of life. It can also mean helping people make the most of the time they have.
“I think with palliative care, people think we just do death and dying, but it’s the concept that people miss,” she says. “We don’t just look after the patient. We walk with them on their journey. Once they get referred to us, we get to know them, we get to know their families, we get to know their needs.”
For Ires, that is what makes hospice care so meaningful. It is not only about end of life, but about helping people live as comfortably and fully as possible, with the right support around them.
She recalls one moment that has stayed with her when she supported a mother to write an 18th birthday card for her child, who was still only eight years old at the time. Later that night, the mother died.
“That day, I really felt I had done something good,” she says.
But Ires knows that in the stillness of the night, comfort is sometimes about “just being there” for a patient or their loved ones.
“Your presence means a lot to them,” says Ires, “you haven’t done anything, you haven’t said anything, but just being there, they feel supported.”
It’s a simple thought, but one that says so much about hospice nursing – being calm, present and helping people feel less alone.
As a Catholic, Ires understands the comfort that faith can bring – it helps her process her hospice nursing experiences. It also helps her to be more understanding of other faiths and cultures too.
At the hospice patients have the freedom to practice any faith. Ires talks about how she supported a Muslim family recently, ensuring that their wishes were respected, whilst also talking to and reassuring them about the after-death care she could give their mum. They trusted Ires who was then able to prepare their mum to go to the mosque. Ires remembers their reaction when they came back:
“They were smiling because they found her comfortable, she looked really peaceful.”
Supporting people who are dying, and the families around them, can be incredibly hard and Ires is honest about the personal impact it can have.
On the night we spoke, a family gathered in the Family Room – eating, talking, supporting each other. Ires was taking care of their loved one – a woman the same age as her own daughter – which she found “heartbreaking”.
